Sannalicious

Good morning!

After a hectic week I’m finally having a 30 minute-break where nothing really has to be done, so I take my chance and blog for a while.

Our new module – Concept & Development is running smooth, so far. This week me and my group has focused mostly on HOW to work together, what different roles and responsibilitites we’re supposed to have etc. Tomorrow we’re supposed to have come up with 50 different ideas on new services/products/concepts/whatever that we could make a businessplan of and present to investors/bank men/etc. We started brainstorming yesterday hand have about 40 ideas by now. 10 more today, is the goal.

Simultaneously, I’m working as a key keeper during this module. This means that I, together with two collegues from my class, am responsible for our lectures and other administratory tasks such as schedule, location etc. It’s a lot more work than I expected, but It’s also very fun! I feel like I’m growing every day, getting a little stronger, a little better, and a little more confident. And that’s great.

And at the same time, I’m in love! Butterflies in my stomach and a silly smile on my face, is that normal after a whole (amazing) year? It feels like it’s been just a week, and I’m all excited and everything feels new and just so.. breath taking. I’m so happy for all of this, it’s the greatest thing in the whole world,

to be in love, and be loved in return.

Robin sent me this and made my day!

Tuesday morning and I feel like blogging, whoa!

Now it’s been about 4 months since the last time I was drunk. Me and Robin was in Norway and visited a good friend. His dad wanted to buy us something at the bar where we were and I didn’t have the heart to say no. So I drank one beer and felt really dizzy, almost out of control. Couldn’t walk straight and laughed at everything. By that time, in the beginning of August, I hadn’t had a drink since April or something so I guess that had something to do with it, my level of tolerance wasn’t (and still isn’t) very high.

So why is this? How come I don’t get drunk every weekend like almost all people my age do?

Well. I think the main reason is that my associations with alcohol is very bad. The only time in my life when I have consumed a lot of drugs where during my late teens, betweed 17 and 19, and that was terrible. I felt like I didn’t had control over anything, school, love, politics, friends, food. I was confused in every way and didn’t know what I wanted with my life. So I liked to be drunk. Because then I could relax, then I could eat, then I could laugh, talk and be happy.

Now, my life is completely different. I do have control. I know what I want. I can relax without any chemical substances in my body. (Except for snus and coffee and tea, but I will work on that as well). I am happy and I feel comfortable with myself, I like myself. In fact, I enjoy life so much that I don’t wanna waste a single minute being sick or feeling bad. I hate hangovers, the day after being unsober. It doesn’t take much alcohol to spoil a whole day for me. A glass of wine and the next day I’m handicapped, uncapable of doing anything whatsoever. And I hate it. It’s just not worth it.

I don’t even like being drunk. When I drink, my body stops functioning. It’s so frustrating! My mind is clear, I am aware of everything I say and do, I just can’t control it. I hear completely clear how stupid everything I say sounds, I feel numb and my body doesn’t obey me. It’s awful! I feel like I become my worst self, and I don’t see any reason why I should put others around me through that.

Although I’ve noticed that some people feel uncomfortable drinking around sober people. I don’t know why. Maybe they’re afraid. Afraid that someone might judge them, someone who sees and hears what they say and do when they’re drunk. As if they can’t stand up for what they become when drinking. But I don’t judge anyone. I just feel sorry for people who are ashamed of themselves. I feel sorry for those who is tormented by anxiety the day after, who ask themselves what they did, what they said (because they don’t really remember). I feel sorry for those who think that the only time they are really fun and attractive is when they are drinking. I feel sorry for those who are afraid of being sober.

But to all of you people who enjoy drinking; keep on doing it! As long as you feel like you’re as proud of your actions as you are when you’re sober. As long as you realize that you are your best self when you are YOU. As long as you don’t hurt anyone (including yourself) and as long as you stay away from children and animals while taking drugs. Then it’s fine by me.

But I like being sober, I like who I am.

I just love this album. It’s definately todays soundtrack.

Stuff like this makes me wanna start cross stitch again. From Radical Cross Stitch.

After 4 weeks of struggeling, hustlin’ and all the rest, this is what it looks like:

I sure love cubes and leds.

It’s been a hectic, crazy module but oh-so-fun. And how I’ve learned! It’s amazing, without teachers, books or lessons, we managed to do this all by ourselves. I’m so grateful, since everyone in our group has taught me something. Fred about electricity and wires and all those extra Illustrator-tips, Kristofer about setting up proxys and writing code, Harald about building and brainstorming, and Winetown about always keeping up the good spirit and the importance of layout and sound.

I’m going to miss you all, haha.

Today is going to be a long day, exhibition and interviews. But I’m sure it’s going to be a lot of fun, especially the showing off part

At last some chill out time, for the first time this week.

Tomorrow is the big day, I’m excited but there’s also this feeling of.. emptyness. I’m going to miss this project! The Arduino-thing has been my life for the past 4 weeks, and tomorrow night we’ll be tearing it all apart (literally speaking, since we need to empty the exhibition area before 10 pm). I will never work with my group again, monday morning it’s a new module, new team, new everything.

Weirdness.

Lucky for me, I have Aphex Twin to calm me down, and a nice dinner tonight to look forward to!

I wanna go home to my favourite island, like NOW. It’s so beautiful that it brakes my heart.

Thanks to Nosse who keeps feeding my nostalgia by taking these wonderful pictures!

Well, our project is falling apart, since one of two ultra sonic sensors is no longer working for team # 21 (us). It all happened just a few hours ago, so we haven’t come up with any better plan than simply returning the broken sensor and hope that we’ll get the new one in time (before thursday – presentation day). We’ll anyhow figure out a plan B, just in case.

I guess I should be heartbroken and freaked out right now, but I just discovered so much new, good music that I don’t really mind. The world may collapse as long as I have my sweet mixtapes and suburban kids:

I dreamt about LED’s tonight.

Only half of them were working, and I used a swedish crown to prove that it wasn’t my fault, that I had made all the connections right.

Then I woke up and thought to myself; “I musn’t forget to decorate the big cube for he exhibition! It must say ‘I love cubes and LEDs’ on it!” And went back to sleep.

6:17 I was wide awake and couldn’t rest any longer. I like Edward Norton in Fight Club. I’m never asleep, but never fully awake either. Coffee keeps me going.

Thank God it’s friday.